As regular readers will know, Between the Lines rarely has time for uppity celebs happy to push a new book or programme but not willing to give their precious time for a quick chat.

Imagine the disappointment, then, when after requesting to speak to Clive James ahead of a performance in Edmonton, it was announced that the only chance of an interview' with the Australian writer and commentator would be to accept a syndicated piece, written by Mr James' PR people.

Once the piece was emailed over, however, that option was quickly dismissed, for fairly obvious reasons. Take, for example, the second paragraph: "It is true that the great presenter, poet, novelist, raconteur and all-round renaissance man is currently busier than a fly with a posterior of an azure hue."

Not content with this sycophancy, the piece continues: "Over the years, various adjectives have attached themselves to Clive like burrs to a woolly jumper: charming, intelligent, witty, wry, genial. I'm here to tell you, they're all true. During a coruscating hour in his company, I'm treated to a wondrous one-man command performance."

Between the Lines struggled through to the end of the piece and decided the game was up. Mr James' own comments were the final nail in the coffin: "I don't want to sound like a prima donna, but since I left the small screen, the offers come in all the time."

And you were asking yourself the last time you had even heard about Mr James, never mind seen him.